Say Something
by fact-and-fiction
Summary: the complicated relationship that is externally defined as friendship but internally incongruent with that meaning, between Sheldon Cooper and Penny.


**say something, I'm giving up on you.**

"_Sheldon, I understand that my bestie has a luscious body and irresistible beauty that even heterosexual females such as myself may question their sexuality. And it's because of this that I worry you might be seeing each other too much; more so than you should be spending with me, your girlfriend."_

Ever since he could remember, he never bent his will towards anyone. Yes, once in a while he would have to concede to his family's wishes, especially where his mother was involved, and there was the time he had to apologise to Professor Gablehauser, which, again, involved his mother, but he had never willingly put anyone else's wants above his own. Until Penny. And now, apparently, Amy as well. Never mind that when Amy referred to Penny as her 'bestie', he suddenly had the thought that it was more accurate to say that Penny was_ his_ best friend.

**I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. **

"_Penny, I am sorry for informing you this on such short notice, but I am afraid that the paradigm of our friendship needs to be changed due to a recent conversation I had with Amy. The parameters of our friendship are now withheld to one like the one of myself and Wolowitz, although you are… well, should I put in in colloquial terms, far more important to me than Howard is."_

She's known him for years now, that without realizing it, he's ingrained himself into her life so much more deeper than she's wanted. And she didn't want him in so deep. Because sooner or later, something hurtful is bound to happen. Someone's bound to get hurt, and it's more likely for her to get hurt than him. And she's right.

"_Sheldon… what do you mean?"_

"_I mean to say that we are no longer best friends."_

**Anywhere I would've followed you.**

"_I have an announcement to make."_

Everyone paused in their eating and looked at him, and he suspected it was because he rarely said he had an announcement to make, he simply announced it. All of them stared at him curiously, Amy to his right, with Bernadette next to her. Next to Bernadette was Howard on the arm of the sofa, and next to him was Raj on the floor. Leonard was sitting in the arm chair to his left, and Penny had grabbed a stool from the kitchen.

They rarely spoke, nowadays; they only talked to each other whenever they were in a group such as this. He rarely knock knock knock Penny'd on her door, and she rarely joined him on laundry nights. Due to the lack of interaction for the past few months, he hadn't expected himself to look at her eyes when he made the announcement. He didn't expect for her eyes to look sombre, either.

"_I had a call from Stockholm this afternoon."_

He watched as her green orbs changed to the same look she had given him all those years ago. The one when she called him a 'beautiful mind.'

"_I have won the Nobel Prize for Physics."_

And he watched as her eyes gleamed with unshed tears, which he assumed was joy.

"_I will leave in three weeks' time, and am allowed to bring one person with me."_

He assumed. That was his mistake. For some reason, even when he barely spoke to her, and rarely acknowledged her when picking up his mail unless it was banal chit chat, he assumed. It wasn't until Amy squealed and kissed him and chattered non-stop about how excited she was and how she should call her mother because not only was she dating a doctor, she was dating a Nobel Prize recipient, only then had he realised it was so, so wrong of him to assume.

He watched as her eyes gleamed with unshed tears. It wasn't joy. It shouldn't be called heart break. No, why should it be called heart break when his chest hurt, and he couldn't breathe, and he couldn't hear any of them because all he could see was her- heart break is when a heart splits into two. What would it be called when it was two hearts that broke?

**And I will swallow my pride. You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye.**

"_What do you mean you want to terminate our relationship agreement? We've been together for two years, doesn't that mean anything to you? I stopped using lip gloss for you!"_

"_And you shouldn't have, Amy, I understand that now. Being in a relationship isn't about changing yourself for someone. It's accommodating them into your lives, and that's not what we were doing. I had to hold your hand when I didn't want to, and you occasionally had to watch Star Trek with me even though you didn't want to."_

"_Is this about Penny? Sheldon, she was keeping us apart even though she didn't mean to, and with her being so aesthetically pleasing, I couldn't be sure that you wouldn't fall for her instead!"_

"_So essentially, you do not trust me."_

"_No, of course I do! It's her I don't trust!"_

"_You do not trust your own bestie?"_

"_I do trust Penny… to an extent. But she has this strong libido, especially when you are in the same room as her-"_

"_Are you suggesting that Penny is sexually attracted to me?"_

"_Yes! And she might lose control of her libido, and you may be unable to resist…"_

"_Amy, from what I understand of normal romantic relationships through observation, is that relationships are based on trust. And without it, we cannot have a relationship. I'm sorry, Amy."_

She stares at him, unblinking, unwavering, as he recounts the events which led to his break-up with Amy. She had expected joy should the break-up happen. But no, joy is not what she's feeling. When was this? She asks him, green irises still not giving anything away. Approximately- no, indefinitely thirty five minutes ago, he says, blue eyes bright and expectant and calculative, she thinks, because he doesn't understand. He can't possibly understand. Why did you tell me this now? She questions again, and he simply replies, it's eleven o'clock. At this, she smiles, how could she not smile when he says things like that, little things that he knows about her that no one remembers, and of course he remembers, because _Penny, I have an eidetic memory, I remember everything._ And maybe he does, but not necessarily everything, would he remember which Leonard did first, sip his drink, or eat his noodles on the 22nd of April, 2002? No, he wouldn't, because he wasn't paying any attention to Leonard. It gives her a warm feeling, somehow, that he remembers all these things about her because he actually pays attention to her.

Why are you doing this, she finally asks, because she's stretched the contemplative silence long enough, long enough to memorise his freckles on his neck, those stubborn strands of hair that wouldn't stay in place, those blue eyes that are so intense and passionate and steady- and she looks away.

He clears his throat. Due to the recent dissolution of Amy and I's relationship, I find myself lacking companionship for my trip to Stockholm, and as much as I consider Leonard, Howard and Raj as my friends and fellow marauders, I believe the honour should go to you, considering- At this, she snaps.

Considering what, Sheldon? Considering that I'm your best friend? Well, guess what, buster? I'm _not _your best friend! You said so yourself, remember? Of course you remember, you have that idiotic memory of yours! Here's a reminder: you don't want me as your best friend anymore, and have downgraded me to the same level of friendship as Howard. In fact, I daresay it's a level much lower than that, seeing how you spend more time with him than me!

His face morphs into confusion and sadness and regret, or what she hopes is regret, because he should regret making her like… like… like what? She can't pinpoint it, but she wants him to regret. Tears start to pool in her eyes, and she's so, so tired of holding them back, so she lets the tears flow, not giving into both silent hiccupping or body-wracking sobs. The tears are just there.

Penny, he whispers, and his adam's apple bobs as he swallows, swallowing what she assumes is the remnants of his pride as he brokenly says, I'm sorry.

She hates that she's broken him, but what she's doing to him is only a small crack in her already spider-webbed pieces of mirrors of herself, caused by him.

She shakes her head, half unaccepting of his apology and half reprimanding herself for being too cowardly to just let it go, to accept him and remove her pseudo-relationship with Leonard. She is cowardly. But she is a chance taker. She saw the chance when she accepted Kurt's offer to move to California. She saw the chance when she accepted Leonard's offer for lunch. And she sees the chance when Sheldon stands in front of her, so unwilling to say the truth of what he feels, because that's all she needs.

Say something, her eyes plead. Say something, anything, because I can't do this if you don't.

I can't, his screamed. I'm still learning to… and I can't.

Sheldon sees the chance, she knows. He sees, but it's just out of his grasp.

She sees the chance. It's within her grasp. So she grabs him by his shirt, softly meeting his lips with hers.

**For some weird reason, I have a fascination with open endings. I like to think that was it. One kiss, one chance, never again, because their chemistry was just so dragged out over the years that it was just a hit and miss. But I also like to think that one kiss blossoms into more, and that Sheldon wouldn't ever need to say something, because Penny just gets him. So yeah. **

**I apologise for the inconsistent tenses, I was trying to differentiate between Penny's narrative and Sheldon's narrative, with Penny living in the now, and Sheldon still stuck in past because he can't help but always remember the past. ** **And I hope the last style of writing wasn't too messy. **

**Like it, love it, hate it? Let me know, because any writing that causes any emotion besides neutral is enough for me.**


End file.
